Hi, my name is Heather

and I am a sinner.

Jesus Christ saved me,

totally and forever,

when I asked Him to,

but despite eternal admission

that I am helpless,

I still struggle, frankly,

to get over myself,

massive pride,

fear, desire to hear

“You're the best”

from everyone.

Sometimes I think

church services are bad for me,

because I know

just how to play them.

I know the songs by heart,

and I could play piano with them

better than at least half the people

I've heard accompany.

I know the books of the Bible

and the stories.

If the text is familiar

I probably have it

functionally memorized,

and chances are I probably

know exactly where

the sermon's going

within three minutes,

even sans outline.

And I'm good at smiling

and shaking hands.

See what I mean?

So much attempting

to radiate perfection

when really I should just say

“I need help.”