Broaching it

I think part of the problem is that my relationships tend to be of two types: Either you're not a Christian and there's a tacit understanding that we're operating from different points of view, or you are a Christian and there's a tacit understanding that we're operating from roughly the same point of view.

Tacit is the operative word there, because we never really discussed it – it was just the giant presupposition in the room that we built our relationship on. And, to be honest, there hasn't really been time in the last years, because we haven't seen each other much and when we have it has always been for short periods of time in the company of other people.

So what do I do when I find out that you're dating someone I don't know but suspect is not a Christian? The presupposition says, “Of course that wouldn't happen. He knows better, and he wouldn't do something like that. And it would be an insult to ask, because he knows you know that and it would intimate that you think he's slipping. And besides, all of social custom says that unless you know something bad about the girlfriend, you must must must express happiness for a friend's new romantic relationship.”

But the suspicion is still there, and you care too much about the friend to be comfortable just ignoring it. And then you realize that part of the reason for the suspicion is that you have, in fact, been feeling that your friend's passion for God is waning. But you haven't said anything. And then you think that rubber-stamping approval on any romantic interest merely because she says she's a Christian and imprinting “Reject” on anyone who doesn't say that is pretty pitiful anyway; when it comes down to it, you should probably talk to your friend if she has the right label but doesn't seem to be on fire for God. In fact, you think, you should probably be letting anyone you care about know if he or she seems to be drifting from the true faith – muscular Christianity and all that.

But sadly, that whole scenario bears no resemblance to your actual life. And the people that you feel you've invested enough in to have the standing to do that to – well, you could count them on one hand. And chances are they're the ones who will be holding you accountable, not the other way around.

**

I think I need to remake my life, based on no suppositions and a lot more candor and a dedication to building real relationships with people. But I'm not sure how to.

Suggestions, anyone?

Wilderness

Revelations

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being with my people and being myself, having accomplished something great. (Which references a poem, by me, you probably haven't read. Tough.)

2. What is your greatest fear?
Being pitiful.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
The marked inability to get over myself.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Imperfection. (SORRY. Does it help to say it was the first thing that came to my mind? The second was simpering.)

5. Which living person do you most admire?
I'm not much of an admirer. (Sad, but true.) But I can think of a few people I know personally who are walking hard roads, voluntarily living lives of great sacrifice to help others.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Well, I bought a pack of pumpkin peeps the other day and ate them. Does that count?

7. What is your current state of mind?
Ironic.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Niceness. Which probably isn't an actual virtue, but hey: People think it is.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm being overtly sarcastic and figure people can't possibly believe it. Which is often.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Looking young – but only when I want to be taken seriously and people dismiss me as a naïve teenager.

11. Which living person do you most despise?
It's kind of a tossup between a few particularly offensive rabble-rousers and a bunch of particularly heinous criminals.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Vital faith is a big one. And easy, impeccable manners.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
It wouldn't be consistent not to say vital faith, would it? And incandescence.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Out loud: “Wow.” Silently: “Here we go again.”

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I think it's safe to say The Word.

16. When and where were you happiest?
Probably Verity – at least in retrospect, the combination of achievement (such as it was), fellowship and sports overshadows the lack of windows and other less frivolous detractions.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
I'd love to be able to sing.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
See # 3.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
To date it seems to be more about potential than achievement. Maybe having a degree and a job in journalism and no debt? Which is pretty sad.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Perpetual puppy.

21. Where would you most like to live?
Lititz, Pennsylvania. Thank you very much.

22. What is your most treasured possession?
My writing, which probably doesn't count. So it would be my car, which oddly enough I love because it's not perfect. (That is, it matters not a whit if I scrape the curb while parallel parking.) Fuel efficiency and general reliability and silverness count, too.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Despair.

24. What is your favorite occupation?
Writer – especially if it occasionally involves public speaking.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Um, baroque-ness.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
Like-mindedness – especially if it's in more than one category. And being real.

27. Who are your favorite writers?
I'm a big fan of C.S. Lewis and T.S. Eliot. Sensing a trend yet?

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
She has red hair that was once green.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Ghenghis Khan!

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
I believe that that has been asked already.

31. What are your favorite names?
Imogen. Adrienne. Alexis. Brendan. Colin. Etc.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Evil, I say, as someone properly catechized.

33. What is your greatest regret?
That fear has played such a role in my life.

34. How would you like to die?
Heroically saving someone. But given that I'm pretty cowardly, painlessly.

35. What is your motto?
That one I'll have to think about.

Paean

Admission?